DAY 16 WORKING THROUGH PTSD

OK OK I know its been a few days I am going to call them just lost days of mess. am I still working on my PTSD yes I am Very hard and its hard work. I still don't have my neck in right so my head hurts but I am up and today I made my shopping list and its back to dinner and desert.
dinner a chicken stir fry desert strawberry cheese cake. I am tired and working hard to learn to sleep at night. with all that has gone on and all the stress of this last week I have to say since I started this 16 days ago I think I am getting better, If I can get my weight down and my head to stop hurting and sleep a little more I will be doing great. This healing PTSD is a lot of work but it took a lot of work to get us here, I was mad for a long long time some one else did this to me and now I suffer for it and not only do I suffer for it its my Job to work my way out. THAT'S NOT FAIR.. but yelling and screaming that didn't help. I had to look at it different I survived, some of the kids in our family didn't, I learned and I am a good person I desire to live and be happy. BE HAPPY.. That's the big one and some times we have to Learn to be happy.
My joy today I got a big smile from my grandson and I know it was for me not the cookie I was holding for him..

DAY 15 WORKING THROUGH PTSD

OK SORRY EVERY ONE if any one is reading this I missed day 14, my mother died she was the reason I have PTSD and it has thrown me for a loop plus the same day my brothers house almost got burnt down, then my son and his wife their 10 month old baby and she is due in 2 weeks had to move in with us, so needless to say STRESS STRESS STRESS.. but I got up and I made dinner last night fry ed chicken mashed potatoes Garvey. and chocolate pudding with a toddler at my feet, and my son very unhappy. did I feel like getting up today no but I did .. did I make dinner tonight yes was is fancy no but it was dinner pigs in a blanket and mac and cheese.
do I want to give up yes.. am I going to NO HELL NO.. We all have set backs but move on so that is what I am going to do move on. That is what we need to do with PTSD is move on get up. OK we are sick and don't want to move DON'T LET THEM WIN.. we have all ready won we survived life goes go. so let your life be happy not sad. Did I find Joy today yes I did I watched my grandson who is 10 months old walk clear across the room by him self and be so proud he did that one thing. I smiled.. OK to be honest did I smile when we gave him a bath in the kitchen sick and he stood up and shot pee clear across the contour Hmmm Yes I did because again he gave the look as if to say LOOK WHAT I CAN GO.. How can you not laugh at that..

DAY 13 WORKING THROUGH PTSD

I FAILED I didn't make dinner last night I was just to tired I don't want to lie and say I did when I didn't. but I will get right back up start again do I feel like it no I all most feel like I am starting over but I know now what stress can do to you that is why you must learn to deal with the stress. so what is for dinner T bones and baked potoes and string beans. I have made that once in the last 13 days again but it sounds good and easy to get back started on life.

DAY 12 WORTHING THROUGH PTSD

12 days its seems like longer I am really working at fighting this, I made dinner last night it was left overs but I made it look fresh and taste good, today has been a long day we had a death in the family and the family is all in a up roar and attacking each other which doesn't help my PTSD but I have learned to take a step back and say do what is right for me. Let them fight let them fix. I am no longer in that roll. and that is a big change for me and hard because I want to jump right in and fix it but I am taking all my power to stay out of it. That is better for me they will figure it out.

DAY 11 WORKING THROUGH PTSD

I hate to sound down today but I am I felt like doing nothing. worse I had no energy to do nothing. My weight issue is getting HUGE.. I AM HUGE. But I did find some Joy today I talked to my daughter of the phone for 3 hours she makes me laugh. in tell she told me she is huge at a whooping 140 lbs Lucky her.. I did make dinner and there was desert left from last night so husband had that. Please don't think no wonder she is gaining weight she is eating all this food because I am not eating it I am making it. if you are have PTSD and have a weight issue its because of the PTSD not what your putting in your mouth in less you are over eating. Me I eat less then 600 calories a day and gain weight. Mercy will call me tomorrow and help me out with this huge issue so I do have something to look forward to.

Day 10 WORKING THROUGH PTSD

Day 10 wow and 11 to go, was today easy no there was a lot of stress with in the family I didn't handle it very well and it triggered me to have a PTSD attack hard and stay in it most of the day.
but I made my self make dinner and desert any way and of course on the worse day I picked a desert that took 4 hours to make its called a sweet petal and its all home made dough you have to let rise twice and then cook but for dinner I made that easy I made spaghetti, How do I feel I didn't get much sleep last night because of the family stress but if I really think about it I must feel better because I didn't stay in bed all day or I didn't spend the day crying. I just kept moving. I emailed mercy to get a little help to get through this hard time and of course she came through for me. I cant seem to handle any more stress in my life but when its your kids you cant just cut them off. I will see what tomorrow brings.

DAY 9 WORKING THROUGH PTSD

HEY I THINK THIS IS WORKING... I slept last night and decided this morning to make a goal for today and see if that goal will bring me Joy and it did I know my goal is to make dinner every night but I felt so good this morning I decided to add to it today. so I decide to clean my house I am a clean freak and have not had the energy or felt up to cleaning it. I knew I would not be able to clean all day an 8 hour day like I used to so I set the oven timer for 3 hours. and to see if I could clean for just 3 hours and how much I could get done but I was going to hurry hurry hurry I was going to take my time. well I got 3 bathrooms cleaned and my bed room and the kitchen and the house dusted. doesn't sound like a lot but when I clean I clean the the light bulbs I dust over the top of doors I wash walls and always mop the floors on my hands and knees. I thought it would take me 3 hours just to do one bath room did I find joy in doing that yes i did I am very proud of my self and yes I made dinner T bone steak fresh string beans and baked potoes. ice cream for desert. and you know I feel better today My weight is still up there and is a big issue with me but I didn't feel like laying down. I cant wait for tomorrow what a big change.