Well here we are on day 4 I have to admit I dreaded today because I knew I had to leave my bed at 9 in the morning and I really don't feel well but have made my mind up I will make dinner every night but today I have a doctors appointment at 4;00 so there was no way I could get home on time and make dinner and desert. I was making bar-b-Que pork sandwich's and the pork roasts have to cook on the gas grill for at least 2 hours, on top of that for desert it was a toffee cake all home made so that would take at least an hour and half. I drug my self out of bed wondering if all of this was a good idea. The not feeling well the foggy brain I thought I cant live like this any more. I remembered my grandson after falling down getting back up and trying to walk again so dinner was going to be made, I got the pork on the grill and started dessert I emailed mercy for some words of wisdom which I got I feel she is my own personal cheer leader and if any one is ever going to recover from PTSD I think you need a cheer leader like her.
The pork was done in two hours I shredded it and put it in the crock pot with the bar-b-Que sauce and put the lid on desert came out of the oven and there at 12 o'clock dinner and desert was done did I still feel tired and sick yes. But I also felt the joy of doing it I made it and still could go to the doctor be home at 5;30 and have dinner on the table. I am learning you cant just will your self better or plop your hinny in front of a doctor and say fix me. You have to learn how to fix your self am I there yet no not even close but what is there now is hope I had lost all hope and now even when I cant feel the joy there is hope that I will find some kind of Joy each day.
When I was at the doctors a lady smiled at me I wonder did she know I met my goal today I made dinner.